“I don't know where people put it on their phones, but I would just find that the conversations wouldn't go anywhere,” says Alvarez.
While Hamilton’s smartphone may not include dating apps, Vaughn Alvarez, 31, CEO and Founder of CR8 Agency, invested in a paid subscription of Tinder Pro when he hoped that a romantic relationship was still within reach. “And most of my experience with dating as a Black gay man who likes men has been hurt.”Įmotional Connection or Business Transaction?
“I don't want to get hurt like that again,” he says. In a dating and sex app-driven culture, the popular go-to apps for gay men are not on Hamilton's smartphone, instead, he’s opted out of dating and is shifting his focus to self-love and his upcoming book release. So knowing that even when you give 100 to someone that you can still get the same result, I felt defeated.” This was me at my most honest, my most communicative, my most attentive. But for it to end how it did was a real big disappointment, especially knowing that I gave 100 this time. “Look, I'm not innocent, and I haven't always been the good guy in a relationship. I felt like it honestly was my last relationship ever,” he says.
“I can only tell you that it was a very full few months for me.”Īfter the breakup, Hamilton says he “went through a period where it was hard for him to sleep or eat.” I've never been able to go past, for whatever reason, the three and a half month mark of a consistent relationship without there being a breakup, and maybe we get back together for a little bit,” he says. While Hamilton points to the dysfunction that existed within this early relationship, he tells The Reckoning that it was his most recent relationship that ended as quickly as it began during the early days of the pandemic that forced him to reevaluate if love from another Black gay man was attainable. And in between that, I dated some other people. “We were off and on through all four years of college-every other semester, we're on, we're off,” recalls Hamilton of his first relationship with a man. I wasn't even sure how gay sex worked,” says Hamilton. So when everything finally happened, it happened really fast. “I didn't get a cell phone until I started college. Looking back on his college days, his sheltered upbringing in Baton Rouge and his introduction to life as a Black gay man in Atlanta, Hamilton hints at being socially unprepared for the experiences that would inform his future decisions regarding relationships. I thought it would increase my odds of meeting someone, honestly,” he says. Of course, I was very young and in college. “I was drawn to Atlanta in that way, and I knew it was so many Black gay men there, I thought it was the place for me. “Atlanta was always the place where you can kind of go and be free,” says Hamilton. The Baton Rouge, LA native who was raised Jehovah’s Witness moved to Atlanta ten years ago in search of freedom as a gay man in a city he believed increased his chances of finding love. It’s a complicated dichotomy that has forced many Black gay men to make tough decisions about their future and whether it will include a romantic life partner.įor author Casey Hamilton, 33, the answer to experiencing the next phase of his life with another Black gay man after several hurtful and disappointing past relationships is a resounding no. Instead, they are preparing themselves to experience life alone, well into their golden years.ĭuring a time when social media and digital apps have made it easier for people to connect, many of its users report never feeling more alone. And while the R&B trio may have written the song from a Black woman’s perspective, there appears to be no shortage of Black gay men who relate to the lyrical content and have given up on the idea of falling in love. It’s been nearly 17 years since the music and lyrics of this defiant and woman-empowered song found its way into the consciousness of listeners around the world.
“Alexa, play “Through With Love” by Destiny’s Child.”